Smokin'

So I quit smoking. Two days ago to be exact and it sucks, just like I remember it. I'm irritable, but not as bad as  I was last time I quit. This time I bought one of those "E-Cigarettes" all the kids are talking about these days, and it's helping quite a bit. I got the "low" nicotine stuff with it, so I still feel like I did when I was on the patch, except I don't want to kill everything yet. Here are some observations I've made since quitting:

When you quit smoking you regain your full sense of smell and taste shortly after. Today that change started, and I kept a list of things I ate today that tasted different. Here are my top 4:

Coffee

Used to taste like: A euphoric blend of "BAM" and "ZAP" mixed with awesomesauce and topped off with some bland flavouring. Hints of joy can be tasted by the more experienced connoisseur.

Now tastes like: Someone shit in my cup. Hints of tree bark and musty carpet can be tasted by anyone. Tried to drink it three times today, almost threw up over the last one. Holy fucking bold taste. Freight train of columbian sweat all up in my mouth.

Apple Jacks

Used to taste like: Bland apples and milk. A perfectly balanced sensation delivered to my taste buds.

Now tastes like: Artificial apple flavoured ringlets of cheerios that fell on the floor, then dipped in pig shit. No wonder it's "Limited Edition". IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A MASCOT.

Milk

Used to taste like: Bland.

Now tastes like: Bland... with a pinch of AWESOME. This shit is like crack. No homo though.

Tim Horton's Plain Bagel (toasted) With Herb and Garlic Cream Cheese

Used to taste like: Heaven on a bagel. Especially when they toast it lightly enough so it's crispy but still soft on the inside.

Now tastes like: Heaven. On steroids. With Jesus playing the electric guitar and two slutty angels going down on each other on the cloud stage.

I have also determined that weight gain associated with quitting smoking is a myth. The gain is not from nicotine withdrawal, but rather people discovering shit tastes different and then going on binges to discover what food really tastes like.

On top of these most noteworthy changes in my taste, I've also regained my sense of smell. This was not an asset today as my dog and I took a road-trip to Kitchener, and she had brutal gas.

Here are 3 random things that have (or haven't) changed in my day to day life after quitting smoking for 48 hours:

Hulk Boners


Remember a few posts back when I mentioned how awesome it is to have a penis? Remember when I noted that it can be used as a towel rack? Today, I lifted a towel. With my dick. I expect this ability to become easier in the next few weeks, but essentially I can now hand myself a towel... using myself.

It's truly incredible what Google will find for you. 

I Still Can't Run


Today I took my dog to the dog park. We tried to run. I cannot run, and I fear I never will be able to. This may not be a result of smoking, but rather poor genetics, as us Ross' suffer from "flat foot" syndrome, which makes us look like retards special people when we run.

We also tend to wear inappropriate bright coloured shorts while doing so

I Have More Energy


I'm unsure how this is a benefit, as I had trouble using up the energy I already had while smoking. However seeing as I should be studying for a Statistics test tomorrow and am instead writing a blog post, with the intent to resume studying after I'm finished, clearly this is not a good thing.

Dance Rave anyone?

That's all I've got. 

Written while listening to this.