Clusterfuck boredom pineapple cat explosion.

I haven't posted in a while. I'm sure you're all aware of this, and are probably twitching with anticipation, checking the blog every hour, and breaking down into a sobbing mess in a dark corner when you discover I still haven't posted. It's okay, I do the same thing.

I could tell you I haven't posted because I've been busy saving kittens from burning trees, or that I've been having sex with women non-stop for the past two weeks, but the truth is, I've been bored.

Yup, just bored. See, boredom restricts my creative abilities and renders me as useless as a toaster in a knife fight. I'm not remotely interesting. I'm even less interesting when I'm bored.

Then I thought to myself, "Mike, why not bore the readers with tales of your boredom", and then I thought to myself "by golly, you're a fucking genius". True story.

Here's a list of some things that I do when I'm bored, to counteract the boredom.

1. Watch videos of cats.

Cats are highly entertaining. I hate them, with a passion, mostly because they're fucking useless and are selfish furry motherfuckers, but also because they think they're the shit. They jump, all nimbly bimbly, from tree to tree, and they drink milk, and love life. I find it hilarious when they meet the cold hard cock of reality, and it launches them from a cannon, or puts them in the middle of a pack of friendly, bouncing, hyperactive puppies. Cat videos I enjoy are not of the "cute cat eating pineapple" type, they're of the "cute cat gets hit with pineapple".

"GREAT shot Carl! Got that fucker good." 

2. Look at pictures of cats.

Much like the above, I enjoy looking at pictures of unhappy cats placed in situations that their owners believe are cute. Then they put a funny caption on the picture using "lolspeak" or as I like to call it, "future-english". In these pictures the cats are normally very displeased. Like if someone put a pineapple on a cat because they thought it was cute.

Like this.

3. Eat Pineapple.

Pineapple is fucking delicious. I eat it even when i'm not bored.

That's part one. I'm bored of this now, maybe i'll continue it later, but this gets me off the hook for not posting. I bid you adue, and am off to buy some pineapple.

Written while listening to this.