When you take a closer look at cereal mascots... Part Two

Moving along, let's take a gander at three more of our childhood icons...

Count Chocula (Violent Psychopath)

Vlah! I am levitating these marshmallows while I wait for my next victim at the nursing home! 

Count Chocula is a dangerous motherfucker. It's no wonder his cereal has been discontinued. At first glance, he seems like a harmless, delusional misshapen poor soul, just looking to find acceptance and love from your children. Why wouldn't you trust him? I mean, nobody has ever made this mistake right?

Uhh... Right. 

Aside from his obvious predatory tendencies, this guy actually believes he's a vampire. How far he goes, we still are unsure of, but rumors have it he sharpened his tooth so he could drain cartons of chocolate milk with ease. His next step? Jugular veins. Keep an eye out for this guy.


Lucky the Leprechaun (Paranoid Schizophrenic) 

They be over the crest of the hill! Hope those kids like bear traps!

Lucky is our first (and only) non-violent, harmless cereal mascot. The reasons for this could be a number of things that I make up, but I'll be honest here and admit it's because I like lucky charms. This dude is still fucked in the head though. Those commercials you saw? The ones where the kids were chasing him? Yeah that never happened. They're the delusions of a homeless man living under a bridge in Chicago, with a bunch of brightly coloured pieces of dried bird shit and... actually, that's an awesome addition to the Cereal show I've been working on (see the second post I've ever made)... anyways, harmless as can be, but he smells like a septic tank.


Sugar Bear (Stoner Kleptomaniac)

What you don't see is the joint in his left hand and the Rolex hidden in the cereal.

 Arguably just as harmless as Lucky (but he isn't because I said so) this bear literally spends his days getting ripped off bong hits and breaking into a "cereal" factory to loot god knows what, and cure his munchies. Is this really a cereal factory? Well the official answer is nobody knows, but my answer is no, in fact it's a secret weapons facility in Soviet Russia, and the C.I.A recruited this klepto stoner bear to steal documents in exchange for an xbox and unlimited Doritos. Also, he rapes kids.


That's it for part two!

Written while listening to this.