Contradictions.

So, it's been a while. I won't apologize for it, because fuck you. Much has changed during my hiatus, I've moved to Toronto, and ended up in one of those sea of cubicles.

After work today I went to Winners (because I'm still poor) and I realized some things about myself. It's weird how small interactions with people can trigger massive realizations and epiphanies. As I shopped for my business-douche clothes, I kept getting in the way of one particular guy there. It wasn't intentional, I guess we had similar taste. However he kept glaring whenever we'd cross paths. It didn't bug me really, but it sort of brought my immense hatred for rude people to the front of my mind. I don't like confrontational people. It may seem odd to say if you actually know me, as I've had my fair share of asshole rage moments. The realization of the above contradiction really stuck with me though, and as I stood in line listening to the little asian ladies cooing over shoe polish behind me, I started to realize what a massive walking contradiction I am. 

The more I thought about it, the larger the list grew, and various contradictions within myself came to light. See, my whole life I've struggled with love/hate relationships. Girlfriends, career paths, food, cities I've lived in, self image, porn. It all kind of makes sense now though, and really, it just makes for an unpredictable life. I have absolutely no idea what direction I'll end up in. For example, I love my new job, however part of me would rather see myself working with my hands, in some garage somewhere making average money and living an average life. Another other part wants the business-douche within to rise up and take over, granting me access to cocaine addictions, BMW's, and slutty secretaries. Family-Mike wants kids, a stable relationship, and a white picket fence around my dick. It's actually amusing how torn I am over almost every aspect of my life. In the past, it was a negative thing. I despised my indecisiveness. Now, I'm pretty cool with it. 

Following the same lines, you may have noticed that this really isn't my typical writing style. You know, referring to feelings and serious life shit. But that's another confliction I've always had. My personality itself is almost split, between comical carefree crass Mike, and the more serious side I have. I actually started another blog to allow that part of me to come out in my writing. Don't bother looking, it's deleted. I've decided to write whatever the hell I feel like. No themes or standards to hold myself to, just pure unadulterated Mike Ross. 

Exciting, no?