Guess what? I'm absolutely hammered.
I was bored, and perusing facebook like I always do, and I came across a Cracked.com article where some asian chick pretended to be drunk and write an article. I then thought, "I CAN DO THIS BETTER". So here I am, an hour later, completely trashed, and writing an already better article.
What is this article about you ask? EVERYTHING IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD CONDENSED INTO WORDS.
REASON NUMBER ONE: Cats still bother me.
I'm allergic to them. They're also rude motherfuckers who care only about themselves. No creature on this earth is as selfish and deserving of a punt across the room as the feline. Theres this one cat, it's really long. They call it "long cat". Fuck that cat. Cat in the Hat? He's a mischievous prick who fools children into letting him squat in their house while their reckless parents are at another one of their swinger parties. The cheshire cat? He's just trippin balls all the time, always trying to fuck with cinderella or whoever that broad is. Garfield? He's a lazy prick out to fuck the world. He hates everyone, even Odie, who's loveable and adorable.
Point being, is cats are awful creatures.
CHAPTER TWO: I'm eating Cheetos again.
This shit is like CRACK. My fingers are orange, and I continuously need to wipe them on the pile of papertowels beside me, but I'm in heaven. So cheesy and puffy. Also, did you know paper towels are not actually paper, nor towels? NEITHER DID I!
THIRD: What is the definition of being an alcoholic?
I think, that when you're missing teeth and lying beside the RBC, urinating in the envelope dispenser at the ATM and asking people what time Jesus will arrive, you're an alcoholic. That in itself is a very difficult word to spell. I kind of wish I was a travellin' man. Pack up my VW bus and hit the road, travellin' around. People could write a book about me and my travels. I bet I'd end up with syphillis though. Nobody really wants syphillis. I mean, unless you're on a quest to acquire all of the STD's and syphillis is your last one. But who does that? Not me. No sir.
44444444: How difficult is it to make Shepherds Pie?
I'm hungry right now, and I've got an itchin for shepherds pie. I can't even spell shepherds. I need to spell check it. Anyways, I know I need potatoes, and corn, and ground beef. It can't be too difficult. Maybe I'll try in a bit.
I wish I could add pictures, but google won't cooperate.
I'm done. Totally beat that asian chick.
